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Relationship Arguments

When you spend a lot of time with someone at the beginning of a relationship, or when you've been with someone for a long time, it's likely that you will have arguments with them. It could be because you need some space, because you're still figuring each other out, or because you've been with them for so long that you need to really talk about things you had put off.

Whatever the reason may be, below, you'll learn more about arguments in a relationship and the steps you need to take to overcome any argument.

Is Arguing Okay?

When arguing is valid.
When arguing is valid.

Although arguing is typically viewed as a negative thing, sometimes it can be positive because it allows you to get those pent-up feelings out and resolve any issues you may be having. Here are a few instances when arguing is okay and will actually be beneficial for your relationship.

When you need to resolve something.

If there is an issue between you and your partner, or you disagree about something, you need to resolve it. Sometimes achieving that is peaceful, and you can both just talk about things calmly, and sometimes you don't see eye to eye, and an argument will happen. It's acceptable in this situation because it is for the greater good of your relationship.

If you truly disagree and can't find common ground.

Arguing is okay and might even be necessary when you truly disagree on something because you need to stand your ground and defend your opinion. The solution to the argument doesn't need to be for you and your partner to agree on whatever the problem was, but you need to be able to understand what the other person thinks and respect that.

When you're arguing about little things.

If they're small and insignificant arguments, that's okay too. They might not even be real arguments depending on how small they are. This is completely normal in any relationship, and you shouldn't overthink it too much.

When Is It Not Okay to Argue?

Although there are times when it's okay to argue, there are also times when it is not okay to argue, especially if you find yourself continuously arguing with your partner about the same things constantly. Below are some examples of when it's not okay to argue.

When you're arguing just to argue.

Sometimes you won't realize it, but you might be picking fights any chance you get because you just want to argue. This likely stems from a deeper issue you may be going through, causing you to be unhappy or emotionally unstable, which is then causing you to lash out with your partner, causing arguments.

This isn't okay because they don't deserve to have to argue with you for no reason, and it could affect your relationship negatively if it's happening too often.

When you're not willing to compromise.

If you go into an argument knowing that you are going to refuse to compromise, and you think that it's your way or no way, that's not okay. Whenever you are in an argument, you need to be willing to find a solution or come to some kind of agreement. If that's not the case, then it's not okay to be arguing.

When you argue about the same thing over and over again.

Repetitive argument is not good. It means you cannot find a solution to the problem that needs to change. This can also negatively affect your relationship because either you or your partner will get tired of arguing about the same thing many times.

Types of Arguments

Argument types in a relationship.
Argument types in a relationship.

There are many types of arguments you can have with your partner, below are some of the most common ones you may face.

Argument over something little.

Sometimes you fight about the little things, maybe they forgot to do something small, or things didn't go exactly as you wanted them to. However, sometimes you don't quite know what you're fighting about, you just know that it's insignificant.

When this happens, it could be because you've been spending too much time together, and you need some space to go back to not arguing. It could also be happening if you're bored with this person, be it because you spent too much time together or because there is a bigger problem in the relationship.

A repeating fight.

Similar to the example given above, a repeating fight can happen if you're feeling bored in the relationship. You may not intentionally start the fight to entertain yourself, but when you analyze the situation, you realize that there is no other reason aside from arguing out of boredom. Another common reason this happens is because you're unable to resolve the issue.

Perhaps it's because you can't agree on a solution, or perhaps there is a specific repetitive behavior that is a problem for one of you, and the person with the problem isn't fixing it. Whatever the case may be, it could get old quickly, so you probably want to try to resolve this issue.

A disagreement about life choices.

There are small decisions your partner may make that you don't agree with, but you have to respect them either way. However when it comes to big life decisions that may also affect you and your future together, you'll probably want to speak up if you're in disagreement with something. Oftentimes this leads to arguments, which, although stressful, it's completely normal.

Fights about money.

These kinds of arguments are common in relationships, friendships, etc. Everyone's financial situation is different, and lending or owing people can also bring issues.

During the Argument

Here are 3 things you want to make sure you're doing while arguing to make it go better.

1. Stay on topic.

It's easy to branch out into other topics or even start having a different argument while arguing. The best thing you can do to get through the argument quickly, or at least successfully is to make sure you are staying on topic and only giving attention to the current issue.

2. Avoid telling them 'I told you so'.

When you say this to someone, it's not going to make them feel good, and it could be stressful or even annoying. So by saying this, you're only making the situation worse, and it's not going to help the argument go by any quicker. If possible, avoid saying this to your partner during the argument.

3. Put yourself in their shoes.

Whenever you're arguing, it's always a good idea to put yourself in the other person's shoes for a couple of reasons. It can help you regulate your tone and what you say so that you're getting your point across without hurting their feelings, and it can also help you understand them better if it's becoming difficult to compromise with them.

How to Overcome an Argument

Overcoming an argument.
Overcoming an argument.

Following the steps listed below will help you navigate the argument you are having in a better way.

1. Give each other space.

It's important to give each other space if you want to overcome the argument. Giving each other space allows you both to cool off and think about what you said or did while arguing, and it will help you gather your thoughts so you can address any problems calmly, allowing you to work it out.

2. Listen to each other.

It's extremely important to listen to each other when arguing because listening allows you to fully understand the other person. There are times in arguments when the other person isn't listening to their partner, so they get stuck in the argument, and the other person has to repeat themselves repeatedly. That could be avoided by listening.

3. Figure out what the problem is.

Another thing to keep in mind to overcome the argument is to take the time to figure out what the problem is. If you can't identify why you're arguing, you will not solve anything.

4. Talk about the problem.

After figuring out what the problem is, talk about it. If you continue to push things off for another time, you'll never solve the issue you're having, and the argument may repeat itself.

5. Find a solution for both of you.

It's crucial that you're both content with the outcome of the argument and that you find a good solution for both of you. If only one of you is happy with how the argument ended, there could be resentment.

6. Apologize and forgive.

Finally, the last thing you need to do when arguing with your partner is to apologize and forgive each other. Own up to being wrong if necessary and apologize to them, and make sure you also forgive them for whatever mistake they may have made that caused you to argue as well. Sometimes both people need to apologize and forgive the other person, so don't assume you don't need to if they already did.

Dos and Don'ts in an Argument

  • Don't shout. Shouting will only make you seem more angry and frustrated, which won't benefit the argument.
  • Don't be prideful. When prideful, it's difficult to accept that you made a mistake, making it harder to overcome the argument because you will likely start going in circles.
  • Do be patient. It's important to be patient when you're having an argument so that you can talk about the problem in a calm and collected way and solve the problem completely.
  • Do be respectful. Respect is always important, no matter how wrong you think the other person is or how much arguing is happening. If you're rude, a peaceful argument can turn nasty very easily.

There is no perfect relationship, and arguing is acceptable as long as you're not being disrespectful and trying to find a solution at the end of the day. It's okay to argue. It's normal and might even be healthy to argue every once in a while in a relationship. So don't stress too much if you have some arguments in your relationship, with the information provided above, you'll be able to overcome any argument with ease.

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