What Are We conversation

Finding the assurance of labels and asking the difficult question, ‘what are we?’ can be tricky for some people; however, this step is necessary to help you define your relationship and take the next relevant steps in your future as a couple.

You meet a nice person, go on a few dates and start to have feelings for them. You feel good with each other, make each other happy, but you have no idea what relationship you have with that person. Today, we will share with you ways in which you can have that defining conversation to help label your relationship and take it to the next level.

What Is the What Are We Conversation?

The ‘what are we conversation’ is also known as the ‘defining the relationship conversation.’ It is a conversation that you have with your partner to help determine where you stand as a couple and what your expectations of the relationship are going forward.

It is important to keep in mind that this conversation has to happen. It is the rite of passage in any relationship, and as uncomfortable and scary as it can be, it needs to be addressed to know how you can move forward.

When to Have the What Are We Conversation?

There is no set timeline as to when you should have the defining your relationship conversation. Rebecca Hendrix, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, said:

“If you obsess about where your relationship is going, most likely you are at the point where you need to know.”

Some people believe that you should have it after a few dates and others suggest having the conversation after a month or so.

The truth of the matter is, after three months, you should have the talk or at least think about having the conversation.

Three months is a reasonable amount of time to wait before you talk about what you are. This time does not make you seem desperate, which is good, but it also ensures that you do not stay too long dating him or her to find out that the other person does not have any feelings for you. They might think that you are both just really good friends.

Why Should You Have This Conversation in the First Place?

Even though this conversation is scary, you need to have it to be on the same page. Sometimes, we think a relationship is going in a certain direction, but it turns out the other person does not see it that way.

By defining the relationship, you will be able to determine how this relationship can move forward in a way that you are both comfortable with.

How to Have the What Are We Conversation?

You now have a better understanding of why you need to have this conversation. It is time to share with you a few steps that you can take to help guide you through the conversation that will define your relationship.

Think About What You Want Before Asking Your Partner What They Want.

Before you can ask the other person what you two are, you need to figure out what you want. You need to be able to answer the question that you want to be answered. Think about what a relationship with this person means to you. What it is that you want from them and how you would like your relationship to go.

Becoming a couple is a defining moment, so you need to be ready and realize what it is that you want from a relationship in the first place. Do you want someone who is your equal? What does being a couple look like in your head?

Be Straightforward and Honest.

You need to be clear about what it is that you want. When you ask the person to date you, you need to be honest with how you feel. Let them know why you want to take the relationship to the next level. Share with them how the past few weeks have made you feel and how you cannot wait to take the next steps together into the future.

Being nervous is normal so let them know that you are nervous and scared. Being a couple is a nervous thing in the beginning because you are opening yourself up to heartache, and if you can share that you are scared but excited at the same time, it will make the other person more comfortable with having the conversation with you.

Remind Yourself That It Is Healthy to Ask for What You Want.

More often than not, people are scared and sometimes ashamed to ask someone for what they want. You need to remember that it is normal to want something more from someone. It is healthy for you to ask the question, ‘What are we?’. It will help you understand which path this relationship is going down.

Do you want to be in a committed relationship with this person? Do you want an open relationship? Figure out what it is that you want, and remind yourself that it is healthy to ask yourself this question.

Have the Conversation in Person

One of the best tips we can give is to have a defining conversation in person. Doing it over social media or the phone, makes you look like a coward. It will also help you both to understand what it is being asked. In-person allows you to read body language and see their reaction instead of determining the tone and body language over the phone.

It also means that the other person cannot run away from the question being asked. No excuses can be made. You will be able to get an answer from the person without them giving you the excuse that they did not see the message or could not hear you properly over the phone.

Do Not Start the Conversation With ‘We Need to Talk.’

This is a classic tip that most people seem to forget. When you start a conversation with, ‘we need to talk,’ you freak the other person out. They will become defensive and worried. This will bring down your chances of the person saying yes to becoming a couple.

You can be romantic and take the person out on a date. Share reasons why you love spending time with them and how much you enjoy the small moments, such as a laugh in the car on your way home or sharing a milkshake. You want to make the other person as comfortable as possible because you have had time to think about the question and answer, whereas the other person has not.

It Does Not Have to Be a Serious Conversation.

The topic might be serious, but the conversation does not have to be. Being nervous is normal, but you do not need to make it feel like a business meeting. Have a laugh or two, relax a little bit. Remember that no matter what happens, it happened for the best.

Have a smile on your face when you ask the person to help you define where this relationship is going. It will help to lighten the mood and show the person that you are sincere. It shows that you want to take the next step together.

The worst they could say is no, and if that is the case, it is not the end of the world. That is why it is important to have this conversation a couple of months into the dating process instead of a year down the line.

Give Your Partner Time to Think About Your Question.

If your partner does not respond to your question right away, do not be discouraged. Sometimes they just need some time to process and think about what they want out of this relationship. You have had time to process, so it is only fair that you give your partner the same time to process, think and come back to you with an honest answer.

You do not want to pressure them into giving you an answer either. If they say they need time, give them time but just keep in mind that if you have not heard back in about 2 weeks, the answer is no, and your partner does not know how to tell you.

Do Not Get Discouraged

Once you have had the conversation to find out what you both are and it does not go your way, do not be afraid to move on. Let them know that you respect their choice and go your separate ways. Rather find out now that years down the line. This will help prevent heartache later on.

Keep looking for the right person who is willing to commit to you. The person of your dreams is out there. They are looking for you just as much as you are looking for them. Do not give up; one day, your defining conversation will go your way, and you will find your forever love.