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Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Break Up Your Relationship

Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Break Up Your Relationship

by Lucas R. August 17, 2019

Breaking up a relationship is always a big deal. Sure, it’s possible that you will be able to get back together in the future, but most breakups are permanent and unsalvageable. Unfortunately, these things are often caused by problems and concerns which – in retrospect – are not that serious. 

Some breakups result from frustrations and minor arguments, while others are caused by problems which could easily be resolved with a little dialogue and some compromise.

There are also plenty of people who end their relationships only to realize later on that they’ve made a big mistake. So if you’re thinking about ending your relationship then here are a few questions that you should ask yourself. 

Are You Going to Regret Your Decision?

Are you going to regret after the breakup?

This is probably the biggest question that you should ask yourself if you’re planning to end your relationship. We all make decisions based on future expectations, and the same is true for relationships.

If you’re going to make a decision that you’re sure you’re going to regret a week or even a month from now then it’s probably not a good decision to start with. 

Most people make decisions that they know they’re going to regret, but do so anyway because of their emotions. This also applies to relationships. If you think you’re going to regret breaking up with your boyfriend then you most likely will, which means that - deep down - you are not really sure about your decision. 

Can You Fix the Relationship?

Certain relationships are simply unsalvageable. In some cases it’s because both partners no longer trust each other, while in others it’s due to the lack of passion or intimacy.

There are also relationships where both partners have become codependent on one another. In any case, breakups happen when both partners feel that there’s no way to repair or restore their relationship. 

So apply this line of reasoning to your own relationship. For example, if the problem is due to cheating or infidelity, can you forgive your partner and move on?

If the problem is a lack of passion then consider why that special spark has gone away. And if the problem is a lack of commitment, ask yourself and your partner why the relationship seems to be stuck in limbo.

If your relationship problems can be repaired then you should give it the chance that it deserves. If not, then perhaps breaking up is the only way to move on. 

Looking Back, Was the Relationship Just a Big Mistake?

Was your relationship just a mistake

If you think that your relationship should end then it’s time that you re-examine its origins. How did it all begin? Did it start for the right reasons, or was it all just a big mistake?

Some relationships happen because of mutual attraction and deep romantic emotions, while others are driven by lust and temporary circumstances. 

If you think your relationship exists for all the right reasons then you and your partner should give it another chance. Maybe your recent problems are just temporary and will eventually die down.

On the other hand, if your relationship began for wrong or superficial reasons, and continues to exist for those very same reasons then maybe it has already run its course, in which case it’s time to move on. 

Are Your Relationship Problems Really That Special?

Maybe the problems you're facing are not that serious.

When a relationship starts to fall apart, it’s easy to feel like your problems are somehow unique and exceptional. This isn’t true. The vast majority of relationship problems are actually quite common.

Infidelity, loss of trust, lack of respect, lack of intimacy, loss of passion, lack of commitment, personal/professional issues and various other issues happen to all kinds of couples, and many of them have successfully overcome such problems and renewed their relationships. 

So if you’re thinking of ending your current relationship, take the time to compare your situation with those of other couples. How did they solve their relationship issues?

Were they able to find good solutions? Were they able to move on from their recent problems? If other couples can fix their relationship issues then maybe you can do the same. You just need to copy their own solutions and apply them to your own. 

Have You Asked Your Friends For Advice?

Have you tried asking for advice from your closest friends?

Sometimes, friends can offer valuable advice on how to repair a faltering relationship. This is particularly true if your friends have had terrible relationships in the past.

Their experiences may not be similar to your own, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t teach you anything. Not only can they offer advice, some may also offer insights that you’ve never consider before.  

Your friends may also help you cope with your present situation, and they can help you examine issues and concerns from different perspectives. For example, if you’re angry with your boyfriend, they can help calm you down or give you emotional support.

If you feel sad or lost they may be able to help you cope with your situation. And if you need help patching up your relationship (or confronting your boyfriend about the impending break up), they may be able to give you some valuable advice. 

So if you’re planning to end a relationship, you may want to talk to your friends before you make a final decision. Even if they can’t help you repair your relationship, they can still give you some much needed emotional support. 

Is Your Guy Trying to Sustain the Relationship?

Is your guy trying to sustain the relationship? And that's all that you like?

Finally, you should ask yourself what your guy is doing to keep your relationship intact. Does he still care about you? Is he willing to give you his time and attention? Is he prepared to reciprocate everything that you do for him?

If the answers to these questions are yes then you should try to postpone the break up for his sake. If not then you probably should end it right there and then. You can’t save a faltering relationship if only one partner is willing enough to save it.