Happy Ending Massages: How Much, Where, and How

If you’re into kinky (and in some places illegal) sexual practices, the happy ending massage might be for you. So what is it and why is it so popular if it’s illegal in all of the United States?

Before we go on, please note that we do not promote any illegal acts of any kind. This article is for entertainment and educational purposes only.

A happy ending massage is exactly what it sounds like – a massage with a happy ending.

Except, it’s more complex than that, it’s an erotic massage that ends with a handjob or blowjob. Or if you’re a woman, it can result in fingering after an erotic massage.

Hence why it’s illegal in all US states, however, Australia has deemed this profession totally legal. Ready for a stiffy anyone?

The Origins of the Happy Ending Massage

How It Started

Say what you want about erotic massages with happy endings, but even in the 1600s these practices were known as “sex therapy”.

Yes, these happy ending massages have been going on for centuries, and much like everything else that is now illegal, it first started out as totally legal medication or even a form of therapy.

A Dutch Physician by the name of Pieter Van Foreest actually came up with the genital massage for women specifically, who were experiencing what was once called the “womb disease”, to help them overcome the chronic pain they felt in their vagina and pelvic area.

However, this process proved to be far too time-consuming for Physicians to continue, and thus arose the vibrator!

So, you can thank the creator of genital massages for your trusty “Big Blue” that you keep hidden under your mattress.

Where Did It Start?

The parlors mainly started out in Asia and Korea, where there is actually a whole community of guys who call themselves “Mongers”. These guys live, breathe, and taste massage parlors, and are always searching for the best masseuses that give the best happy endings.

Mongers have their own language, lingo, and even their own communities. In fact, if you want to know where the best parlors are with the sexiest, most erotic massages, the Mongers will be the best group of people to ask!

When Did It Start?

As we said before, the genital or pelvic massage has been going on as sex therapy for centuries, but the practice of giving massages with happy endings didn’t leak out over into the U.S. until around the 1900s.

They really didn’t make a scene until the 80s and 90s, and then peaking in the 2000s.

What Goes Down in a Happy Ending Massage.

While we’re almost positive each massage parlor might have its own rules and regulations, a typical day (or night) at a parlor would go something like this.

First, you walk in unsuspiciously, being watched on a camera from the moment you pull in and you more than likely will have to be buzzed in the door. The girls have to be safe after all.

Checking in would be something like checking in at a doctor’s office, except you wouldn’t give them all of your information but you might want to let them know you’re “cool”.

Remember, this is an illegal practice in the United States. The girls working behind the counter are legitimate masseuses until you prove to them that you are “cool”.

In the room, you will be asked to get comfortable. Remember, the girls can’t say too much if you’re in the U.S., and they haven’t met you yet (and trust me, they will be keeping tabs on every single person that walks through that door) so you have to be the one to prove you are who you say you are.

Basically, you have to show her you aren’t going to entice her then arrest her.

Once you’re in the room alone with the lady, you have every right to ask what you would like them to do. Typically an erotic massage can go one of three ways:

• You can have her stay clothed, you stay draped (or nude), and you can have the shyest, least erotic handjob you’ve ever had in your life
• You can ask her to take her top off, ask her if you are able to touch her breasts, and you’ll have a pretty nice, semi-sexy time while receiving that happy ending
• You can ask her to get completely nude while you lay nude on the table as well, ask if you can touch her while you get your handjob – pure bliss

Again, there are a million and one ways that each session could go, depending on the parlor you’re at and the girl giving you this happy ending, but these are the top three most typical ways that at least a “first-timers” massage would go down.

It’s also important to note that these ladies aren’t prostitutes, they are not there to have sex with you and they don’t have to let you touch them. If that’s what you want, you’re in the wrong place.

Make sure to remember that they aren’t professional Masseuses either, so if you’re actually wanting a deep-rooted reiki massage, you should go down the road.

How Much Does a Happy Ending Massage Cost?

Since the cost is going to be different at each parlor and also dependant on the type of service you get, you should probably have at least $60 in your pocket for the best but the cheapest experience.

This also depends on whether or not you ask for half an hour service or a full hour service. Some places may even have more or less time, and some places go even further offering you showering services.

This basically means that the masseuses will bathe you erotically, with the both of you nude in a sauna type of environment, right before the “big bang”. This service alone can cost an extra $50 or so.

Let’s say you’ve decided on the one-half hour option, 30 minutes of clothed fun. This service may be something like $60, whereas a nude session could be $80.

If you’ve vouched for the one-hour erotic massage, you may need $80 for the cheapest route and up to $120 for nude.

Again, this all depends on the lady, the parlor, and every little detail of the massage (how long, is it nude or topless, blowjob or handjob, sauna bath, etc)

Another major component to think about is the tip. Those women might deny you next time if you don’t leave a good tip and you get the cheapest service possible.

Don’t be cheap when it comes to paying for some lovin’.

Where Can You Find a Happy Ending Massage?

It’s not always easy to find an erotic massage parlor that offers happy endings because you can’t ask them before arriving, but sometimes you can tell just by visiting or even riding by.

They usually will have a simple one or two-word name, not something fancy like “Healing Hands” – something more like “Destinee’s” or “Ambrosia”.

You’ll also notice right away they look more down-to-earth and not as noticeable with fancy signs and services posted everywhere, not like the “real” ones.

They have doorbells to buzz in, and typically a secretive parking lot with a back door to leave without anyone noticing you.

Inside you’ll either meet with a man who runs the place and protects the girls, or it will be a hot chic coming to your rescue. It won’t be quite the same vibe as when you go to an actual parlor because, again, they have to be super discreet with everything they say and do.

A great way to find these parlors before heading out around town is to visit your local craigslist and skim the ads for girls willing to give out massages with happy endings.

The following sites are known to have some locations as well:

• Rub Maps
• AMPDIR
• Erotic MP

Tips When Visiting a Massage Parlor

Whether it’s your first time visiting a massage parlor of this nature or your 80th time, the way you present yourself and the way you even speak of the parlor itself will always remain the same.

Remember, there are some places in the world that these parlors exist in and they are very illegal.

Even though we think it’s stupid for someone’s sexual fantasy to be played out behind closed doors between two (or more) consenting adults is illegal, there are still tips and suggestions that we can give you when you feel you are ready to make a visit to keep yourself and the girls safe.

Be Respectful

Even when you pull in the parking lot, coming in like a racecar driver straight out of NASCAR might actually frighten the girls to the point they won’t even let you in. Pull in and walk in with some respect for the place and the people working there.

Be Super Discreet

When asked about the reasons you are there, because the girls will have to feel you out too, never just blurt anything out. Of course, if you don’t say anything at all either then you might walk out with a simple massage and nothing more. The best thing to do is to use code words or language that will insinuate that you are “cool”.

Sadly, sometimes the first time goes down much like a drug deal. You have to prove yourself and prove that you’re someone to be trusted if you want the goods. Give them a reason to like you and give them a little bit of background on you so they know who they’re dealing with.

Give Them a Reason to Remember You

When you visit the parlor or spa for the first time, or the thirteenth time, the girls will go into their files and pull yours according to descriptions and things they’ve written down about you previously.

They’ll have your car make and model, a description of what you look like, even things you’ve told them in private so you mine as well give them something good to remember, right?

These girls do have the say so if you even get in the building or not, so if you’re going to give them something to remember you better give them something good to like about you also. You’ve got to have more than respect, dignity, a little class, and friendliness all help too.

Take a Shower Beforehand

Unless you’re visiting a parlor that offers showers, please make sure to take a shower before you visit their spa. If you come in straight after work smelling like grease and cars, you’ll be known as the guy who gets off work and comes in stinking up the place.

This could ruin all of your chances of getting the best girl available or even just your chance at getting the best services they provide. They might even want to rush you out of the room, so please guys, take your showers before visiting!

You Are Allowed to Choose, Just Don’t Be Rude

It depends on the way the place is run, but some parlors will allow you to choose from a line-up of women or you’ll just be greeted by one when you get to the door.

You are always allowed to ask if you are able to see every available girl, but remember that you may be making the girl who answered you feel out of place when asking – so be polite about it.

Say something like, “wow, are all the other girls as pretty as you?” to lead in to the question of seeing everyone working at the time, you technically have that right since you are paying.

Do Not Ask for Sex

It does not matter how ‘cool’ you are with the girl giving you the massage and happy ending, or how cool you are period – do not ask the girl for sex or other sexual favors. They give happy ending massages and that’s it. If they wanted to do more with you after that, you would know it.

After the Happy Ending

Always thank the woman who gave you the massage and your ever-so-happy ending, tip her, and then be on your way just as discreetly as you came in. If you play all of your cards right with her and the entire team, you might just become one of their favorites and receive specials or discounts on the house from time to time.

Never publicly discuss the parlor and never give away the name of the place, or any names of the girls. The only time this is OK is when your buddy wants to go and you’re referring him to your favorite masseuse.

So, Are You Ready to Visit One?

If you think you are ready and this is your first time, relax. Understand this is what these ladies do for a living and they’ve seen it all.

Don’t worry about the size of your penis or how you might look coming into a place like that, just be happy there are beautiful women out there ready and waiting for you to come – no pun intended.